Who is speaking doesn’t matter when what’s spoken is truth.

Like many of you I've been reading through some of the interviews at Adoption Bloggers Interview Project . I had considered getting involved myself but found I didn't really have the time to dedicate to do a good job....plus, to be honest, I was kinda chicken.

I was looking forward to reading one interview that was of special interest to me, not only because it's with a rare father blogger but also because I always enjoy reading what this particular writer has to say.

I wasn't disappointed.

I've asked the writer for permission to highlight some of what he had to say in his interview and you can find it in it's entirety here .

Here's some of what  "I am" at Statistically Impossible has to say in his interview.

There’s an annoying concept, particularly strong in adoption circles, that a child is somehow more the mother’s than the father’s. The ability to be geographically removed from the location of the child during gestation doesn’t change the relationship of a child to his/her father. The father is the father. He may be a horrendous jerk, but his child is still his child without regard to his ethical quality.


Social taboo tells us asking others to raise our children effectively makes us defective humans. People who take in children that are not of their own lineage are compassionate heroes. So giving a child to another for adoption is abhorrent, but the act of adopting is a beautiful miracle. These contrary attitudes need to be addressed and changed.

What first fathers need to be able to engage in an adoption is the knowledge that they can engage, fully, and as they wish. Understanding why it is so common for first fathers to leave adoptions is as easy as searching google. Hop over and search for “birth father resources”. Of the few links that have anything to do with birth fathers at all, one is an out of date activist site specific to the state of California. Birthfather.com looks like a great organization, until one recognizes that it is a single page that’s a part of the Adoption.com pages. The article, though well written, is in fact written by a woman. I’m glad to have women’s perspective on the subject of adoption, but we are well out of balance. Susan Wadia-Ellis wrote, in her introduction to The Adoption Reader (1995): "Adoption, like motherhood, has always been a woman’s issue. It is women who give birth, and women who have had their birth children taken from them because of cultural, political or economic forces; and it is women who sometimes feel they must relinquish their birth child in order to protect that child"[p.ix].

Why aren’t more birth fathers involved? Does one sit at a table where no chair is available? What I believe will help open the door for more birth fathers to engage is recognition. It is important to realize that the emotional processes men undergo in adoption are largely the same as women! Men, too, are placing their child in the care of others. It may be a shock for some to hear that men have emotions. We love our children every bit as much as their mother’s do.

Double the mum, double the weirdness

Today I start the day worrying about two women, both of whom are my mothers, one whose house key is on my key chain, the other I hesitate to call.

It's been longer than normal since I've heard via email from my bio mom. I've mailed twice this week to ask if all is well and to say it's difficult not to worry something is wrong, could she just send a quick note to say she's ok. Having experienced sudden death of loved ones twice, I know shit happens. I wait for it to happen.

Last night I received a call from an old family friend of my parents. It had been so long since I'd talked to her that she started out the conversation with, "you likely don't remember me". Of course I do remember, although I was very surprised to hear from her.

She called because she was worried something was wrong with my mom and just wanted to check in with me to see if my mom was starting to experience dementia or was perhaps over medicating herself. That the last few times they'd talked my mom hadn't seemed herself some of the time, repeating herself and forgetting previous conversations.

I really appreciated the call and we had a good talk. It wasn't the old friend's intent to worry me and although I was truly thankful for the call, it was striking to be contacted out of the blue and hear an old friend's perception of my mom's behavior. In a way it felt validating, but in another it felt a little ominous.

If something has happened to my bio mom, it will be strange. I barely know her, her family knows nothing of me. To date she's not told me who my bio father is which is something I want to know. I'd have decisions to make regarding revealing myself, an action I cannot take lightly.

I foresee looming decisions to make regarding my mom and her care and well being. I can't help but wonder how the future will play out, or if the future is now.

Strange times these.