Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pride. Show all posts
Sunday
A comment too long, and likely off topic
I was reading a blog I always read and started to comment and it got out of control. The comment grew long, it may have strayed from what my point was, and likely didn't end up relating properly to the post at all.
But, I like the comment, so am posting here. Take it or leave it.
I think I actually understand what you're saying here. It's this weird thing between wanting to be strong, sparing others what's really going on, protecting yourself from being viewed as damaged and whatever goes along with that, shame, embarrassment, but also wanting people to know it's not easy to not be a total fuck up in life, how much effort it takes or has taken. That what's going on on the outside is not what's going on on the inside.
I kind of compare it to doing the right thing or being honest when nobody knows about it. You want to do the right thing because it's the right thing, because it's good for our souls/spirits whatever to just be good and decent, take the high road for the sake of another BUT...we're human. There's a small part of us that wants someone to notice or care that what we're doing isn't easy, that we're going against what we feel like doing, what we would really prefer to do, what would be easier.
I think the key is to truly figure out how to just do it for one's self. How to get pleasure from not being a total fuck up in spite of all the reasons why we should be. That the pride comes from how we feel about our self instead of how we think we're impressing others in an "I'll show them" fu kind of way because what if they don't notice? Then it's all for nothing. If it's just for our self, we'll always notice, be impressed, be proud.
This is all easier said than done, but, it's doable. For me it's easiest when it comes to my son. I can do anything for him with no recognition. I sometimes wonder if people actually know or care how difficult it can be taking the high road in the breakdown of a marriage, but ultimately it doesn't matter. I know what I've done, for my boy, for me, and it helps me sleep easy at night, helps me look him in the face and see complete trust, total confidence in my dedication to him, that I am a safe place to land, no matter what.
But, I like the comment, so am posting here. Take it or leave it.
I think I actually understand what you're saying here. It's this weird thing between wanting to be strong, sparing others what's really going on, protecting yourself from being viewed as damaged and whatever goes along with that, shame, embarrassment, but also wanting people to know it's not easy to not be a total fuck up in life, how much effort it takes or has taken. That what's going on on the outside is not what's going on on the inside.
I kind of compare it to doing the right thing or being honest when nobody knows about it. You want to do the right thing because it's the right thing, because it's good for our souls/spirits whatever to just be good and decent, take the high road for the sake of another BUT...we're human. There's a small part of us that wants someone to notice or care that what we're doing isn't easy, that we're going against what we feel like doing, what we would really prefer to do, what would be easier.
I think the key is to truly figure out how to just do it for one's self. How to get pleasure from not being a total fuck up in spite of all the reasons why we should be. That the pride comes from how we feel about our self instead of how we think we're impressing others in an "I'll show them" fu kind of way because what if they don't notice? Then it's all for nothing. If it's just for our self, we'll always notice, be impressed, be proud.
This is all easier said than done, but, it's doable. For me it's easiest when it comes to my son. I can do anything for him with no recognition. I sometimes wonder if people actually know or care how difficult it can be taking the high road in the breakdown of a marriage, but ultimately it doesn't matter. I know what I've done, for my boy, for me, and it helps me sleep easy at night, helps me look him in the face and see complete trust, total confidence in my dedication to him, that I am a safe place to land, no matter what.
Thursday
It's a little more than just luck
I spent last weekend out of town attending my cousin's wedding. Now this particular cousin is my "best" guy cousin. We were very close growing up spending tons of time together as our moms are sisters and also close.
Everything that went on is still running through my thoughts. There was a bit of everything as far as emotions go.
Pride. There are two main things I was proud of, one being my son and the other being the closeness of the family that were in attendance.
I was proud of my son for just being with me. He's twenty and much of the time twenty year olds have better things than family functions to do. Initially he'd said he'd not attend but then changed his mind because he felt he'd not been doing many family things lately and although I told him it wasn't necessary, I know he partially came to be with me. After much consideration I'd decided I'd drive my mom the fourteen hours to attend the wedding, something which my husband was not keen on in the slightest so had decided to pass on the trip (I promised my husband years ago that I'd never be the type to insist he do anything he didn't want and have stuck by my words. I'm a firm believer that it's better to be without someone who doesn't want to be somewhere, and when it's something that's important to me for him to be at, he just is, without me having to ask).
I've been traveling with my son by car, train, plane since he was two so we travel very well together, both of us being laid back and able to easily adapt to most situations. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't travel or live this way so it was very nice to have my ally with me, my breath of fresh air, my eye rolling partner, my now grown son and friend. To see him connecting with cousins, chatting with other people he'd just met, helping me gps around town, and just generally be my partner in crime was awesome and made me very proud to be his mom.
The other thing I was proud of was something observed and pointed out to me by a lovely woman I sat beside at the wedding reception. This new acquaintance has no family to speak of and was marveling at how we cousins knew each other and how important we all appeared to be to each other. How the aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, and cousins who are no longer with us were honoured and toasted in speeches. You could see in her face that she hadn't even thought this type of closeness really existed in families. We talked a bit about it, the reasons for it, with both of us deciding that although there is some luck in having closeness in family, it has to be important to the people involved or luck just wouldn't be enough.
It takes care and patience. A willingness to want it and the ability to accept differences. Many times it's necessary to forgive, even if forgetting is impossible. It can mean letting go of our visions of what we think our family should be like and accepting what is. Sometimes it means apologizing or just letting go of old baggage, agreeing to disagree with a hug and a smile. Families are never without their issues, sometimes serious issues. If they're solvable though, they won't get solved on their own.
It's an amazing feeling to be with and enjoy family. I am so fortunate.
Everything that went on is still running through my thoughts. There was a bit of everything as far as emotions go.
Pride. There are two main things I was proud of, one being my son and the other being the closeness of the family that were in attendance.
I was proud of my son for just being with me. He's twenty and much of the time twenty year olds have better things than family functions to do. Initially he'd said he'd not attend but then changed his mind because he felt he'd not been doing many family things lately and although I told him it wasn't necessary, I know he partially came to be with me. After much consideration I'd decided I'd drive my mom the fourteen hours to attend the wedding, something which my husband was not keen on in the slightest so had decided to pass on the trip (I promised my husband years ago that I'd never be the type to insist he do anything he didn't want and have stuck by my words. I'm a firm believer that it's better to be without someone who doesn't want to be somewhere, and when it's something that's important to me for him to be at, he just is, without me having to ask).
I've been traveling with my son by car, train, plane since he was two so we travel very well together, both of us being laid back and able to easily adapt to most situations. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't travel or live this way so it was very nice to have my ally with me, my breath of fresh air, my eye rolling partner, my now grown son and friend. To see him connecting with cousins, chatting with other people he'd just met, helping me gps around town, and just generally be my partner in crime was awesome and made me very proud to be his mom.
The other thing I was proud of was something observed and pointed out to me by a lovely woman I sat beside at the wedding reception. This new acquaintance has no family to speak of and was marveling at how we cousins knew each other and how important we all appeared to be to each other. How the aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, and cousins who are no longer with us were honoured and toasted in speeches. You could see in her face that she hadn't even thought this type of closeness really existed in families. We talked a bit about it, the reasons for it, with both of us deciding that although there is some luck in having closeness in family, it has to be important to the people involved or luck just wouldn't be enough.
It takes care and patience. A willingness to want it and the ability to accept differences. Many times it's necessary to forgive, even if forgetting is impossible. It can mean letting go of our visions of what we think our family should be like and accepting what is. Sometimes it means apologizing or just letting go of old baggage, agreeing to disagree with a hug and a smile. Families are never without their issues, sometimes serious issues. If they're solvable though, they won't get solved on their own.
It's an amazing feeling to be with and enjoy family. I am so fortunate.
Tuesday
Hey, what's goin on around here?!?
Just finished reading and commenting on a parenting blog. It talked about canceling Christmas to straighten out unmanageable kids. Huh?!?!?! I'm a firm believer in creating consequences for bad behavior that are in no way shape or form a consequence to the parent. Whatever happened to a piece of coal in the stocking?
Okay, so coal isn't easy to come by and if it was is way too messy but a small raw potato in the bottom of the stocking had the desired effect on my little Vincent. I can still picture his face (so maybe I wouldn't be able to if I didn't have it on video) when he got to the bottom and discovered the telling spud.
Okay, so coal isn't easy to come by and if it was is way too messy but a small raw potato in the bottom of the stocking had the desired effect on my little Vincent. I can still picture his face (so maybe I wouldn't be able to if I didn't have it on video) when he got to the bottom and discovered the telling spud.
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