Compassion...what's that again? I'll look up integrity, accountability, and responsibility while I'm at it.

Sigh.

My brain is full of upsetting thoughts. Between the young boy returned to Russia and the young woman who committed suicide after being relentlessly bullied I'm just shaking my head. At least the young Russian adoptee is alive, although I know some will argue that's not necessarily better, to which I can't agree. As sickening as the conduct of the adoptive family and the people responsible for placing him with them is, there's a chance this boy will get what would appear to be a third chance at stability although I agree that the odds are stacked against him.

What's gone on and is still going on with the case of the young woman who committed suicide is beyond imagination. When my son was pre-school and I was teaching him about bullying and meanness we discussed words and their impact. That when we are in school sometimes kids will be mean to other kids just because they wear glasses, or because they weigh more, or because of the colour of their skin. Maybe they'll make fun because of the person's name or the clothes that they wear. We discussed what to do when it happened, why not to do it, how it makes people feel. I relayed stories of meanness from my teen years, situations where I was the victim but also situations where I was the perpetrator, caught up in a teen frenzy of thoughtlessness, competition, and peer pressure. In fact, I recall quite clearly the last time I was mean to a fellow student, and the vow I made to myself to never be that way again.

Twenty years ago we didn't include the internet for obvious reasons but eventually it became a regular, important part of the discussion. In fact we discuss it to this day, with my son not only in the role of student but also of teacher and confidant. We've both had our moments of unpleasantness online which was and is helpful in order to have someone to commiserate with, to remind us of who we "really" are. I remember a time when my son was not getting along with a friend in school and how it had spilled over onto MSN messenger, with the friend doing much of the maligning. My son showed me a scathing email he'd written in retaliation and I remember the resulting discussion, how it was very important that in defending himself he made sure to also protect himself, that anything written could be very damaging and used out of context, that although every word was justified, if they were presented alone it would be difficult to believe he'd been a victim.

Pretending that all this nastiness and cruelty doesn't exist, or if it does, would NEVER be something my perfect darling would be involved in is not helpful, in fact, it's culpable! I say this because if you're not discussing teenage cruelty and bullying with your kids and their responsibility when it happens (because it will happen) whether it be online or off, or both, you're likely contributing to it.

I don't know how the whole situation with this young girl who committed suicide will unfold, but I do know it will become more horrific, even though it's hard to believe that's even possible. She will be dragged through the mud, count on it, as will her family and the young people who harassed and bullied her and their families. It's already happening, people are doing just exactly what they claim to be speaking out against. What kind of an example does this set?

Can anyone honestly say that all involved had done all they should for these kids?

And now, it's too late.