"BabyCenter Finds PPD Moms Don’t Seek Help Due To Guilt & Shame"

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/babycenter-finds-40-ppd-moms-dont-seek-help-due-guilt-shame

To be more clear

In a post I made yesterday I linked to your blog (here). I just discovered you yesterday in an attempt to find resources that address the myth of instant bonding and/or love of all mothers. I am trying to bring awareness to this issue but am sorely lacking in experience and knowledge regarding it. In my limited understanding it’s my feeling that there is a societal expectation that women are expected to automatically, upon giving birth, perhaps even prior to, be magically attached/bonded/in love/perfectly competent, or whatever and this is not always the case. The fact that society expects it, or pretends it, attaches a stigma to the mom who is not feeling all these things immediately which exacerbates the problem by forcing her to be silent for fear of being judged, for fear of being imperfect or incapable.
My question to you is am I off base here? And would you ever consider writing me a “quickie” guest post addressing this myth?


Campbell,
Thank you for visiting my blog, for taking the time to post a comment, and esp. for linking to my post about infant bonding! Instant bonding is indeed a myth, which only serves to worsen a mother's postpartum experience. If she has postpartum depression, well, that just aggravates her feelings of guilt all the more. Your comment agrees with the gist of my post about debunking the myth of instant bonding. You are not off base. It's society in general that's way off base, and putting all that mythical stuff out there to cause first-time mothers to have unnecessarily high expectations is something I'd like society to stop at some point. That can only happen if there are enough voices out there in blogs, the news, magazines, books, etc. join together to speak the truth.
Ivy
http://ivysppdblog.wordpress.com

Backward insight and empirical evidence? Don't ask me, I'm with stupid.

 The following is commentary from one of my posts. Baby blues and postpartum depression are not something that should be dismissed or ignored. THAT'S when it becomes dangerous. Included are links to as many seemingly legitimate sites (that I could dig up in twenty minutes) addressing the myth of all mothers bonding instantly at first sight of their newborn.

"The emotional side is different - mothers are not supposed to "unwant" their children. Most generally experience hormonal changes in pregnancy that nurtures the instinct to love and care for their children."

I don't mean this to sound condescending, please believe me, but this statement is fairy tale like. Forever and a day women have been saddled with children they do not want. Pregnancy does not conjure up some magical love potion, in fact, it's been known to invoke quite the opposite. Giving birth does not a "mother" make. Many mothers do not feel an immediate love for their newborn and the stereotype you describe can be the cause sometimes, I think, of a new mom being unwilling to admit she's exhausted, or just plain "not feeling it" because of the pressure to be this perfect maternal model. It's funny actually, the "rainbows and unicorn" label given to adoption can easily be applied to the act of giving birth and the euphoria and love that's expected to be automatic and "natural". Being a new mom is damn hard work and any chance I get I'll tell them to accept the feelings of exhaustion, that it's ok to feel like you want to chuck your baby out the window because they just won't stop crying and you haven't slept for days. It's when new moms have to pretend these feelings don't exist or that they feel pressure to hide them that they end up doing things I don't even want to go into here.

http://www.babycenter.ca/baby/newborn/bonding/

http://ivysppdblog.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/the-myth-that-all-mothers-have-to-bond-instantly-and-at-first-sight/

http://www.lifewithnewbaby.ca/ppmd_story3.htm

http://www.indiaparenting.com/newborn-care/254_3607/debunking-new-mother-myths.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-new-brain/200912/baby-blues-search-beyond-neurons

http://www.postpartum.org/index.htm

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200209/birth-and-the-blues

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/i-cant-seem-to-bond-with-my-infant-is-there-something-wrong/

 http://www.parentsupersite.com/ad/pregnancy/postpartum/postpartum-depression-a-secret-shame.html

 http://www.cmha.ca/bins/content_page.asp?cid=3-86-87-88

 http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=53751

 http://kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/communicating/bonding.html#

 http://earlychildhood.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_importance_of_bonding_with_a_baby

 http://www.metrokids.com/MetroKids/March-2010/Bonding-with-Baby-Isn-039t-Automatic/