It's a little more than just luck

I spent last weekend out of town attending my cousin's wedding. Now this particular cousin is my "best" guy cousin. We were very close growing up spending tons of time together as our moms are sisters and also close.

Everything that went on is still running through my thoughts. There was a bit of everything as far as emotions go.

Pride. There are two main things I was proud of, one being my son and the other being the closeness of the family that were in attendance.

I was proud of my son for just being with me. He's twenty and much of the time twenty year olds have better things than family functions to do. Initially he'd said he'd not attend but then changed his mind because he felt he'd not been doing many family things lately and although I told him it wasn't necessary, I know he partially came to be with me. After much consideration I'd decided I'd drive my mom the fourteen hours to attend the wedding, something which my husband was not keen on in the slightest so had decided to pass on the trip (I promised my husband years ago that I'd never be the type to insist he do anything he didn't want and have stuck by my words. I'm a firm believer that it's better to be without someone who doesn't want to be somewhere, and when it's something that's important to me for him to be at, he just is, without me having to ask).

I've been traveling with my son by car, train, plane since he was two so we travel very well together, both of us being laid back and able to easily adapt to most situations. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't travel or live this way so it was very nice to have my ally with me, my breath of fresh air, my eye rolling partner, my now grown son and friend. To see him connecting with cousins, chatting with other people he'd just met, helping me gps around town, and just generally be my partner in crime was awesome and made me very proud to be his mom.

The other thing I was proud of was something observed and pointed out to me by a lovely woman I sat beside at the wedding reception. This new acquaintance has no family to speak of and was marveling at how we cousins knew each other and how important we all appeared to be to each other. How the aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, and cousins who are no longer with us were honoured and toasted in speeches. You could see in her face that she hadn't even thought this type of closeness really existed in families. We talked a bit about it, the reasons for it, with both of us deciding that although there is some luck in having closeness in family, it has to be important to the people involved or luck just wouldn't be enough.

It takes care and patience. A willingness to want it and the ability to accept differences. Many times it's necessary to forgive, even if forgetting is impossible. It can mean letting go of our visions of what we think our family should be like and accepting what is. Sometimes it means apologizing or just letting go of old baggage, agreeing to disagree with a hug and a smile. Families are never without their issues, sometimes serious issues. If they're solvable though, they won't get solved on their own.

It's an amazing feeling to be with and enjoy family. I am so fortunate.

Dads matter. Imagine how things could be if only more of them knew it.

It's Father's Day, and it's making me a bit sad.

My father is no longer with me physically but he's in my heart and mind, not on any higher pedestal than he deserves. I try hard not to allow my dead people to become better than they really were. I don't see the point as I try to learn from their mistakes, as well as my own. Nobody is perfect, but their combination of goodness and imperfections can make for the perfect person for someone else, and my dad was that. The perfect father for me.

My husband is a father, but not to my child. My husband underestimates his importance to his children, as I think many fathers do. I hope I've added to his relationship with his sons in that I try to help him see how much a hug can mean, how saying "I love you son" or "I'm proud of you" once in a while is a good thing. My husband is a very good dad and has been there for his boys in ways I doubt they even know about.

My nieces have no dad as their father is my brother who died 5 years ago. My brother was a wonderful father and it's sad these girls don't have him. They need him and their life is forever altered by the loss of him at such young ages.

My son's dad. I'm careful when I talk about my son's dad for the simple fact he's my son's dad. I think because I'm respectful of this it allows my son to turn to me when his dad's not stepping up to the plate. I took the high road in the breakdown of my marriage, something for which I've been criticized by some who aren't my son, but it's been the right decision. My son is able to trust that he comes before any animosity I may hold or have held for his father, and I think that's huge. All kids know when their parent(s) suck, but they usually love them anyway and hold hope that some day it will be different. They don't want anyone trashing their mom or dad, even if they're doing it themselves.

I take responsibility for choosing this kind of dad for my son, because I did.

I'm sad today for those who are without their dad that's perfect for them and for those who've never had one.

Dads matter, and for those that know or knew  it, a very happy Father's day to you.

It's what we do, not who we are.

Written by my son, for my dad, his grandpa, his partner.

I can still remember the sound

Of the ice cream trucks we chased

Or the hours we spent playing

With the wooden swords you made

I remember playing army men

With nickels and with dimes

And canoeing down the river

Watching water beetles go by

Everybody loved you

That was plain to see

But even in a crowd of friends

You would never forget about me

The years we spent together

Helped make me who I am

I always knew I had a good Grandpa

But now I understand

How important you are to me

And how much your presence meant

I miss you so much Grandpa

But I never will forget

The lessons that you taught me

To be strong and good and kind

To do your best and never give up

And to charm the ladies blind

So now I end this poem

To the best partner a kid could have

I hope you know I'll miss you

But I'll try hard not to be sad

Because the last lesson you've taught me

The most important one so far

Is that you'll never lose the ones you love

Because their memory will live on in our hearts