The Crit Chance: Hyrule Warriors: The Game I Didn’t Know I Wanted

The Crit Chance: Hyrule Warriors: The Game I Didn’t Know I Wanted: Pros: Tight Controls and Flashy Animations, Tons of Content, Couch Co-op Cons: Enemy Pop-In, Occasional Framerate Dips on Gamepad, No...

The Right Kind of Person

Having spent a significant amount of time with my stepson's daughter, my 'step' granddaughter, as in granddaughter I am not biologically related to, I stand by my belief that a love, or a bond if you prefer, can develop that's as strong or stronger that those of the blood related category.

It's also my opinion, though, that it takes a certain kind of person with a certain kind of attitude or openness.

A person who loves children of all ages and thinks about how they're thinking and feeling, cares about what their individual fears and emotional needs are. Of course this is important for all who are involved in raising children, it's just that with adoption or fostering or kinship care there's an opportunity to try and ensure that those children who for whatever reason aren't being raised by their biological parents will be placed with people who are right for the responsibility. People who adopt and want to love and raise other people's children because they can't have their own should be thoroughly screened and continue to be assessed to see if they're actually doing it properly. Really the same should apply to those who volunteer to foster, those we choose to stepparent our children, and even those caring for extended family members.

Outside influences can greatly affect emotional investment, another reason why it's very important the right kind of person is replacing biological parents. The right kind of person has the ability to not only empathize and be dedicated to thinking about how a child that's in their care is feeling and responding, but also to parent without ego, something I still feel is a key factor in being the best mom or dad one can be.

I would suggest to those who are caring for the children of others, in whatever capacity that may be happening, to concentrate on the child and nurturing that relationship and to work hard to separate how those around you are behaving and not take it out on the child. This could be a spouse, a sister or brother, parent, bio parent, in-law, neighbor, co-worker, or even a stranger in a grocery store. It's not easy and sometimes we have to back away or change the way we relate to the adults in our lives but if you're that right kind of person, you'll do everything in your power to not allow others to negatively affect the child.

The right kind of person will be dedicated to parenting without ego and keep the focus on the child and his or her emotional needs.

Honestly, it will be easier to be a grandmother to my own son's children. I do look forward to it, look forward to the ease with which I'll be able to relate to my son as a parent because of the great relationship he and I enjoy. We can discuss anything openly and honestly, with respect and care for one another which is something that's very helpful to a grandparent. That said, I couldn't love my darling, non blood related, little granddaughter anymore than I do.

I'm grateful I get to be that right kind of person.

Reposting. Again.

It's Father's Day, and I want to tell you a bit about my good dad.

What I say about my dad most likely would differ from what my sister or brother would say.

Quite often one child sees a parent differently than another, with many dynamics influencing the relationship. Gender, interests, sense of humor, birth order, and temperament are all factors in parent/child relationships. Also, relationships can change over time, for example I think had my brother not died so young he and my/our dad may have grown even closer as my brother spent more time being a father.

Anyway, that said, here's what I want to say about my dad.

My dad was the perfect dad for me. I know I disappointed him sometimes but I also know he truly forgave me when I did. My dad was completely dedicated to me, to all of his kids, to our family.

I know this because we talked about it once while canoeing. At this point in life I was a grown woman and mom. The conversation started out with me admonishing him for being snarky with my mom, before she even did anything annoying, almost in anticipation. I told him it made him look bad and if he was so angry with my mom, why hadn't they just split up ages ago and put everyone out of their misery?

Well, I never expected the response I got and will never forget it.

He told me there was no way he'd have ever left us kids. That if he and my mom had split up, there's no way back then he'd have gotten custody of us. He'd made a commitment to my brother and sister and I and no matter how difficult his life was being married to my mom, he would never have left us alone with her, never have put his own needs ahead of ours. In his mind, he was one of our needs.

Wow.

And that was just the biggie.

My dad also coached my softball teams and never complained about the shit bag lunches I grudgingly made him. He came out to watch me participate in everything I did, and sincerely forgave me when I messed up. My dad set an example of being hard working, honest, and kind to others. He taught me about short term pain for long term gain and about pride in integrity.

I learned from him to walk away from trouble but that there's also times when there's a need for dropping the gloves to fight for myself or what's right. Yeah, at times there was a generation gap between Dad's and my beliefs but he understood and accepted that. Another lesson learned.

My dad was the most excellent grandfather to my son. How fortunate to have had a dad who provided my son with such a positive male role model. Oh how grandpa is missed.

My dad taught my son and I about finding joy in the smallest of things, a perfect butter tart or a pair of socks wrapped up for Christmas.

I was fortunate to see my dad in two lights, the frugal, hard working husband and father and the retired, laid back, "let me by you a drink" father and grandfather.

I loved dancing with my dad. Who didn't?

As an adult in the home I have now I loved preparing him a special meal, bringing him a cup of coffee, mixing him a perfect rum and coke, not too strong. He was always so appreciative, got so much out of being here with me, my husband, and my son, his grandson, his partner.

One of my last memories of dad was of him sitting here in my living room, smile on his face, and him telling me how much he loved being in my home. I cherish that and all my other memories of my dad.

I am so lucky to have had the perfect dad for me.

Happy Father's Day to all you good dads out there. You rock.

Adoptee Rant

It's no secret my mom and I have been struggling with our relationship over the past several years.

Even more than normal.

I've been trying to deflect, defuse, defer and detox but something always happens to whip me back up again, mom manages to twist the knife just enough more to hurt me, which sets me off.

While applying bandages to our most recent scrap, my being adopted and meeting my biological mother came up. Again.

I cannot tell you how much this bothers me.

It seems no matter what I say or how I say it, my mom is incapable of looking at herself as being responsible for our tumultuous relationship, looking at herself as being the reason I have so much resentment toward her. It's just the way she is.

Problem for us adopted kids is is that being adopted is the perfect get out of jail free card for people like my mother.

It's one of my biggest pet peeves with the Primal Wound Theory, that those of us who are adopted are inescapably damaged. What if Verrier made some mistakes as a mother and her adopted kid happened to be the one who rebelled, more because of her personality than her adoptedness. I would even go so far as to say ok, because of our adoptedness, sometimes we adoptees might be extra resilient which could make us a little feistier but there has to be somebody setting us off. Somebody like a parent who refuses to look at what they may be doing wrong.

My mom wanted to adopt another kid and I'm what she got. I don't owe anyone anything for having been adopted. I'm lucky I survived after being left alone at a hospital, my well-being in the hands of the fickle finger of fate. I'm grateful for all the good things in my life. I am a competent, independent, thoughtful fifty year old woman and do not fight with my mother because I'm adopted or because I met the mother who gave birth to me. I fight with my mother because she is difficult, self absorbed, and incapable of compassion and empathy for others.

Please, look at yourself before you look at your kids when trying to find a reason for your poor relationship with them.

Apologizing to your kids and taking responsibility for your parenting mistakes goes a very long way in building trust and communication, not to mention sets a great example. One of the best things we can teach our kids is how to admit and own being wrong.

If you've never done it, you clearly need to because we all make mistakes.

Adoptive parents, despite all the crap you read, it may very well be YOU who has issues, not your child.

If you can't even entertain the possibility of that being true, I pity your kids and hope they are as resilient as I am.

(Still) The Perfect Dad For Me

Reposting. Again.

It's Father's Day, and I want to tell you a bit about my good dad.

What I say about my dad most likely would differ from what my sister or brother would say.

Quite often one child sees a parent differently than another, with many dynamics influencing the relationship. Gender, interests, sense of humor, birth order, and temperament are all factors in parent/child relationships. Also, relationships can change over time, for example I think had my brother not died so young he and my/our dad may have grown even closer as my brother spent more time being a father.

Anyway, that said, here's what I want to say about my dad.

My dad was the perfect dad for me. I know I disappointed him sometimes but I also know he truly forgave me when I did. My dad was completely dedicated to me, to all of his kids, to our family.

I know this because we talked about it once while canoeing. At this point in life I was a grown woman and mom. The conversation started out with me admonishing him for being snarky with my mom, before she even did anything annoying, almost in anticipation. I told him it made him look bad and if he was so angry with my mom, why hadn't they just split up ages ago and put everyone out of their misery?

Well, I never expected the response I got and will never forget it.

He told me there was no way he'd have ever left us kids. That if he and my mom had split up, there's no way back then he'd have gotten custody of us. He'd made a commitment to my brother and sister and I and no matter how difficult his life was being married to my mom, he would never have left us alone with her, never have put his own needs ahead of ours. In his mind, he was one of our needs.

Wow.

And that was just the biggie.

My dad also coached my softball teams and never complained about the shit bag lunches I grudgingly made him. He came out to watch me participate in everything I did, and sincerely forgave me when I messed up. My dad set an example of being hard working, honest, and kind to others. He taught me about short term pain for long term gain and about pride in integrity.

I learned from him to walk away from trouble but that there's also times when there's a need for dropping the gloves to fight for myself or what's right. Yeah, at times there was a generation gap between Dad's and my beliefs but he understood and accepted that. Another lesson learned.

My dad was the most excellent grandfather to my son. How fortunate to have had a dad who provided my son with such a positive male role model. Oh how grandpa is missed.

My dad taught my son and I about finding joy in the smallest of things, a perfect butter tart or a pair of socks wrapped up for Christmas.

I was fortunate to see my dad in two lights, the frugal, hard working husband and father and the retired, laid back, "let me by you a drink" father and grandfather.

I loved dancing with my dad. Who didn't?

As an adult in the home I have now I loved preparing him a special meal, bringing him a cup of coffee, mixing him a perfect rum and coke, not too strong. He was always so appreciative, got so much out of being here with me, my husband, and my son, his grandson, his partner.

One of my last memories of dad was of him sitting here in my living room, smile on his face, and him telling me how much he loved being in my home. I cherish that and all my other memories of my dad.

I am so lucky to have had the perfect dad for me.

Happy Father's Day to all you good dads out there. You rock.

Hear me

If you could just realize that this is the only you you've got.

If you could just figure out how to embrace yourself, accept yourself. If you could just understand that we need to surround ourselves with people who want to appreciate our best self. It's all anyone can do, put their best self forward. 

We can't force others to appreciate and love us in a way that we desire. We can make our needs known and then it's out of our hands. It will be what it will be. It will be enough, or not. The people we love will care how we feel, or they won't and we can choose to take it or leave it, decide if the good outweighs the bad. 

We are far more than how our parents treat us. We are impacted, influenced, and shaped by our relationships or lack thereof with our family but ultimately, we are our own person. It's incredibly freeing to say, here is my best, take it or leave it. Relate to me in a way that is good for my spirit and if you don't care to, or, at the very least, bother to try, I will limit or eliminate entirely the time we spend together. If I choose to allow you to stay in my life, accept the fact that in not caring about how I feel and what I need,  you will affect the me you get, affect how I relate to you, how I love you.

There comes a point when we need to be completely honest with ourself and accept when someone will never become the parent that we want. A point where we stop trying to be something we're not to win the approval and appreciation of someone who'll never approve or appreciate.

I don't mean stop being good and kind and true to ourselves, I mean stop expecting or yearning for an appropriate and fulfilling reaction to our best self.

Be your best self for yourself and if you are fortunate enough along the way to touch others in a way that moves them to show their love and appreciation in a way that we find meaningful, it's what love and life is all about.

Some of us will not have the parental relationships that dreams are made of but it doesn't have to prevent us from experiencing very real and meaningful emotional connections with other people,  we just need to keep the parental disappointment from hindering us in putting our best self out there for the world. 

If we can manage to appreciate and accept ourselves, we will find that others will begin to also, maybe even some of those parents who previously were impossible to reach.

Or maybe not, and if not, it's their loss.

Who killed the cat? Curiosity, stupid.

Reposting, from here Just because.

Are adoptees who don't feel especially curious about their biological heritage suffering from low IQ's? Are they unnatural, brainwashed, shut down, or paralyzed by feelings of abandonment?

No. They're not.

They say curiosity is a sign of intelligence. That may be so. I know something else that is a sign of intelligence, the ability to look outside your own experience. The ability to learn new tricks.

There are many, many people who just aren't that curious about their heritage. Some of them need only talk with their parents or visit an aunt or uncle to learn about it. Some can easily hit Ancestry.com or a local library and find all sorts of family background and info. But, they just aren't all that interested, not that curious. Does this make them stupid? Of course not.

I know some will say, well, that's because they can, they know who their real parents are. To that I say, so what? Some adoptees feel like their adopted parents are their real parents, end of story. They feel and see themselves no differently than other people. Why should they be held to a higher standard than everyone else?

Curiosity about circumstances of birth and relinquishment is not surprising, but it isn't a reflection of intelligence. A person uninterested in "what happened" or who their immediate or distant biological relatives are could very well be curious about many other things, things that are far more important to them personally.

It seems to me that when it comes to curiosity about one's own circumstance of adoption and/or heritage, it can vary in degree. It can be nonexistent. It can be mild. It can be all-consuming. It can be both mild and all-consuming from one day to the next, from one hour to the next. It can be stifled due to outside influences. Lack of curiosity can remain in spite of outside encouragement to be curious. It can be there when we're young and vanish when we're older. It can be nonexistent in our youth and then overcome us when we have children.

I've read harsh judgements on adoptees searching for such a frivolous reason as "just being curious". I have had to question myself about this, if simple curiosity was a good enough reason to potentially disrupt the lives of others. It's a big fat no-no in some circles to search out of curiosity as opposed to searching to find and embrace our real parents and/or a new or different family.

For some adoptees just seeing a picture of their parents would suffice. For others, an explanation for having been adopted and a picture, never really feeling the need to actually meet anyone. There are adoptees who want full blown familial relationships with their biological relatives. None of it is wrong or an indication of intelligence or necessarily a reflection on anyone else. To say so, at best, is not very nice. At worst, it's not very smart.