I'll start out by mentioning some adoption scenarios I've had personal experience with and a few I know of by reading around the various online resources that exists. By no means will I or could I list them all. There are far, far too many and really, every single situation is unique to the individuals involved which in turn affects the experience of the adopted person.
- Domestic, closed, infant adoption. (That's me)
- Domestic, closed, infant adoption to a good family (That's me too!)
- Domestic, closed, infant to a crap family
- Domestic, closed adoption of an infant willingly given up. (Me again)
- Domestic, closed adoption of an infant who was coerced or abducted from it's parents(s)
- Replace domestic with international on the first 5
- Add transracial to the first 5
- Subtract closed from the first 5 but add toddler/older child from foster care
- Take 1 but subtract domestic, add international, and divide by life and death medical circumstance
- Take all 10 and multiply by 20 years ago. Then by 30. By 40. 220.127.116.11.90
Some that feel like they never fit in to their adoptive families, some that feel they did.
Some believe they suffer from a primal wound, some who feel they don't.
Some were born in different countries than they were raised, some who were not.
Some who feel the need to search, some who do not.
Some search and are embraced, some search and are rejected.
Some who have always known they were adopted, some found out as adults.
Some who feel being adopted was a negative in their life but still love their parents.
Some who can't stand their parents but don't feel being adopted was a negative.
Some who feel their god was instrumental, some who don't think their god had anything to do with it.
Some feel relieved to have been adopted, some feel it was completely unnecessary.
Some who feel like their adoptive family is their "real" family, some who do not.
There are many, many more ways adopted people feel and possible reasons for why they feel that way. I could take much of what I've already listed and interchange them and it would apply to someone.
I personally think we do each other a disservice by dismissing each other's realities. I understand it's human nature to gravitate toward those who are of like minds. It's comforting, it assures us we're "ok", normal.
How can we get to a place where we don't mock one another? Gang up on each other? Present a place where people who are adopted can truly say how they feel about being adopted without fear of being rejected or attacked by other adopted people?
Some may think I am the kind of person who is
I think there is innate desire to categorize ourselves into good and bad adoptees. I think we've been told they exist, and deep down we want them to. Don't get me wrong, I believe a person can be in a situation where they want to be or are expected to be a "good" adoptee, that if they aren't they won't be as loved or accepted. They must appear grateful, or else. I also believe that an adopted person can honestly and freely be totally fine with it, be almost fine with it, kinda ok with it, have fleeting moments where it's not the worst thing in the world, or just downright think it's the worst thing that could have happened.
Good and bad is in the eye of the beholder. Don't you dare slip from grace.