So, a local radio station discussed this article in Time on "a new study published in Pediatrics, researchers at Tulane University provide the strongest evidence yet that children's short-term response to spanking may make them act out more in the long run."
The first woman who called in was a retired school teacher who gave parenting classes. She was against spanking but went further to say that parents have abandoned all discipline. That they were spending too much time reasoning with their kids instead of just being in charge. Saying no and meaning no. Being consistent. She said lots more, all of which was pretty on target and sensible, kind of made me smile to listen to her great advice.
And then....THEY started calling. Those people who think spanking is necessary. That they were spanked and they turned out just fine. Know what? Me too. I was spanked, I think I turned out fine too.
So has my son. In fact, turned out real good, without ever having been spanked once.
We actually had a pretty big fight yesterday, well, for us it was massive because we just don't fight or raise our voices. Needless to say we were both very upset after. We discussed what happened later in the evening, why it had escalated to what it did and just exactly what each of our roles were in the argument, and then we went for sushi (I paid). But, before we did, my son said it's lucky we're able to fix things like we did, that we can get back to where we were in our relationship, that we'd done no permanent damage. I told him we could do that because we've established respect and trust.
I don't think spanking is respectful. I don't think spanking instills trust.Yet, I know those are 2 of the most important ingredients in a successful child/parent relationship.
I don't believe there's even one valid reason to spank, to hit a little kid cause they did something you don't like. And you don't hit big kids...'cause, well, they're too big, and they might hit you back.
Wednesday
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I always shrink a little when I see your spanking posts because I am a non-spanking parent who has lost her temper and spanked on occasion. And those are the worst kinds of spanks because they were delivered in anger. It makes me feel really really bad and I am glad to see your post because it is a good reminder to stay in control even when the situaion, quite honestly, sucks. My toddlers can be such rascals! thanks for posting this, but I am curious why it is such an important topic to you. You've had several posts about it.
ReplyDeleteHey Shannan : )
ReplyDeleteI guess it's important to me to talk about because maybe it might keep someone from doing it. And, it's not like I'm talking out of my arse lol. I didn't do it and my son isn't an axe murderer ; )
Well it's helping me. Thank you! and for the record I was never spanked either. But I obviously am the most evil mommy in the world so somewhere something went amok:)
ReplyDeleteK that's weird....or maybe not so weird. See, you don't know how it feels. Which would make doing it more understandable :P
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes you feel like the most "evil mommy" in the world, but you have lots on your plate. Nothing and nobody is perfect, it's what we do with our mistakes that matters to our kids.
Although I'm glad "it's helping" you, I also think it's worse for your kids if you're feeling like the most evil mommy in the world much of the time than to have dished out the odd spank here and there.
You seem like a very thoughtful, involved mom. Give yourself some credit, and a break!