Avenge This

While visiting with my son this afternoon the movie The Avengers came up. I mentioned the big deal the "he's adopted line" from the movie has caused online, with some people being offended, others offended at those that are offended.

Surprise to me my son said he knew. What? How'd you know, I asked him. I know he doesn't intentionally read adoption related blogs and articles. Does this mean the issues people have with the line are so far reaching that average people can't help but notice the cries of discrimination against adoptees?

Well, yup. That's what him knowing about the controversy means.

It's no surprise I want to know what he thinks of the line, how he took it when they watched the movie. For starters, he made it clear how the whole theatre, including him, burst out laughing. Must have been some delivery.

My son went on to say he doesn't at all understand the big deal being made out of the line. That he didn't feel that it was meant to be derogatory against adoptees, that it in any way said people who are adopted will become murdering machines solely because they are adopted.

Having not seen the movie I could only speculate on what my reaction would be based on everything I've read online. What I thought of immediately is how I couldn't begin to count the number of times I've said, "I'm adopted" with my hands in the air as a response to some family member doing something stupid, bad, embarrassing, whatever.

I thought, well, why is it ok if I do it but it isn't if an imaginary superhero does. Things is, it is ok that it was said. It wasn't meant to insult or discriminate against adopted people. It's something that's jokingly said to distance one's self from a family member who's effed something up and much of the time it's said by the adoptee them self.

Why do we have to make a big deal out of nothing when there are real issues to make a big deal out of? Like denial of access to our own records of birth and adoption.

Now that's something anyone can get their head around. Really. Anyone I've ever asked agrees that every human being has the right to know the circumstances of their birth and who their biological parents are.

Problem is is that they won't hear us if they have their fingers in their ears and are saying stfu you bunch of whiners.

Birth Moms ... On TLC

Anyone watch it? Yikes. I can only imagine what will happen in blogland. Tons of crying on the show, girls giving up babies they'd rather keep, schlepping already born being raised babies to interviews with PAPS, asking PAPS to never tell adoptee it's adopted, thieving, alcohol swigging pregnant birth mothers, all taking place in Salt Lake City. Wowzer. I did not know what to think. One thing, I didn't share a tear along with the young moms. Not sure why. One of them was a pretty cool kid who just didn't have the means to raise two kids.

Here, yet not

The new Blogger seems not to be compatible with an Ipad. Boo! Be back when I can. Try not to miss me too much! : )

Radiation Red

Last night I celebrated my final radiation treatment for my breast cancer.

First, after work, I met and had drinks with my best girlfriend. We've been friends for a good forty years now and we had a great visit as always. We toasted me and talked about how great I am and I even allowed her to talk a bit about herself and the struggles she's been having lately in life. We left happy and refreshed with thoughts about taking a trip together somewhere this summer.

After that, I grabbed my husband and we went for dinner and indulged ourselves with whatever we wanted off the menu. I'm all for rewards when we achieve or conquer something and I feel like I've endured and conquered quite a bit these past 10 months so stuffing myself with rich food and wine for one night seemed like just the right thing for me. I even ordered dessert.

Today I awake knowing I am finished my radiation. I think back to the beginning when I didn't have a clue what to expect. I think about the good information and support I got from people I know who've survived cancer and realize I am now one of them. Another club I belong to.

On my second last day of radiation, while I waited for my technician to fetch me from the waiting room, a woman with a cane wearing a turban sat down near me. It was hard to tell her age but I did feel she was a few years older than me. I had arrived a little early so had poured myself a coffee and mentioned it tasted pretty good when I noticed the woman looking at me. We got to talking and it turns out she herself has survived breast cancer. She'd endured a double mastectomy (and all the other procedures that lead up to that point) and had been cancer free for 9 years. Now its been discovered she has brain cancer and she's enduring all that that entails. The ease with which we discussed such a terrifying and exhausting situation blows me away when I think about it. I only teared up when I talked about her to the radiation technician and then my husband the next morning. I will remember that lady forever and wish for her to eventually be well again.

I'll also remember the older gentleman I saw on my first day of radiation. As I waited for my name to be called, a total newbie amongst cancer treatment veterans, some with hair, more without, a man's name was called. It was a gentleman of 78 (which I knew because they ask our birthdays every time we receive treatment) and as he walked with the tech they excitedly talked about how it was his last day, and he told her how he was going to celebrate with a bottle of Boost. Too cute.

There have been a ton of special people I'd never have even known existed had I not had to do this cancer thing. It's been tough in ways I could never have anticipated, easier than I thought it would be in other ways, and I have no reason to believe I haven't beaten it. At least for now.

I've seen too much in my life now to not know that shit happens, so I am as prepared as I can be for anything. If its good shit, I will enjoy the hell out of it. If its bad, I'll fight as hard as I possibly can to kick it's ass.

I still think they should make a paint or stain colour called Radiation Red.

Maybe donate a portion of it's sales to cancer organizations?

What seems to always happen

See, this is what seems to always happen.

Strong blanket statements are made and then I feel an obligation to contribute, compelled to say how I feel about being adopted. I don't get why that is so surprising to anti-adoption activists since it's what they themselves are doing.

I do not feel abandoned and that's because of having been adopted. Had my biological mother left me on a doorstep with no attempt to ensure my safety or my having a family, then I'd feel abandoned.

Not every adoptee feels or should feel that way, we're all different with unique experiences, but that's how I feel and how I feel matters just as much as anyone else. I also feel very much a part of my family, more so than some friends who are biologically related to each other.

To those of us who were provided with a family through adoption and aren't angry about our own situation, it's impossible to be completely against it even though we're not stupid enough to think reform isn't needed. Is that so hard to understand?

I wish every child conceived could be kept and raised by the people who created it but that's completely unrealistic. We all need to work toward helping parents plan their parenthood, make the best, most informed decisions when unplanned, unexpected, and unwanted pregnancy occurs. And, it does occur. We do each other no favor pretending every human is born to be a parent.

Sensational or sugar-coated blanket statements are no help to anyone as they so easily dismissed.

If you don't care, why not?

I've been reading around and there's some discussion on people making comparisons in adoption, such as comparing adoption to slavery or the Holocaust.

As I read I think about what I could compare adoption to and I realize, it's just not that simple. It's too personal and there are too many portions or aspects to an adoption to make it comparable to much.

I could take a portion of a specific person's adoption experience and compare it to the Holocaust I suppose. The problem though, with a general comparison of adoption to something horrific, is that adoption isn't horrific for everyone who has been involved in one whereas I think in the Holocaust, we can all agree, it is.

It always comes back to credibility for me.

I read stories of parents who have had their babies stolen from them. It's horrific to imagine. I read stories about adopted people who landed in horrific adoptive families and it angers me to my core. I think about how I don't really know the circumstances of my conception and birth, who my biological father is and, if I let it, it pisses me off.

When I talk to my friend who was adopted by a woman who just had to have her little girl and then ended up ditching her with a father who never wanted her, it makes me really mad. I marvel at my friend's resilience, her ability to be a great mom in spite of the fact she herself never had one.

When I look realistically at specific negative incidents, circumstances, situations, or experiences people have in adoption I can get on board with reform. No problem. It makes sense. It's believable.

You tell me adoption as an entity is like slavery or the Holocaust? I think you're hysterical, dramatic, self-absorbed, and/or attention seeking.

I and many other people needed adoption. We needed families who wanted us. There are many people who will need families and never get one. Even a subpar, adoptive family would be preferable to many people who have nobody.

The problem I have with comparing adoption to something universally terrible, to crimes against all humanity, is that for this adoptee, it doesn't compare.

Don't we care what non-adopted atrocity victims' and their descendants' reactions are to these kinds of comparisons? Care what the would-give-anything-to-have-been-adopted's reactions are to these kinds of comparisons? Care what people who are completely satisfied with their adoption experience think? And if you don't care, why not?

You already have each other's support.

It's Ok, Stop On By, It's Not Contagious

So, I've been doing a bit of breast cancer for the past six or so months.

I hadn't really planned to write about it until I saw this documentary and felt inspired to, at the very least, share the doc and draw attention to the website for the Harold P. Freeman Institute for Patient Navigation.

"Successful patient navigation supports those diagnosed with suspicious findings by eliminating barriers to timely screening, treatment, and supportive care of cancer and other chronic diseases. Patient navigation saves lives and improves resolution rates of patients. When implemented at the organizational level within a community, it results in increased efficiencies and improved outcomes"

See, I'm in Canada and I haven't had to pay, nor am I in debt for, one red cent for the amazing care I've gotten and continue to get. I do pay for the Letrozole I am now taking and will be taking for 5 years but thankfully, one of the benefits from my employer is to cover a (significant) percentage of my prescribed drugs. Otherwise, it's about  $100 a month. For 5 years. I could pay for it if I had to and no doubt my budget would feel it, but it's doable. I'm lucky.

After watching the documentary my heart was breaking for those who can't afford to treat their breast cancer, or any life threatening disease, early enough and have no insurance, benefits, or publicly funded health care system.

How does one experience this and also worry about money? There are already so many things to think of and try not to worry about, I can't imagine pulling this off if I also had to worry about paying for my care.

So there it is. You have the links. You know I'm doing breast cancer. If you want to talk about it, welcome.

I've had tons of support, support from family and friends who have and have not had breast cancer but not everyone is as fortunate as me. So, here I am. If you want to talk about mammograms, biopsies (fine needle or core), lumpectomies, sentinel node biopsies, lymphedema, radiation or any other breast cancer related topics on which I am no expert...I'm here if you need.

I had so many people to talk about it all with when I needed that the thought of someone having no one literally brings tears to my eyes.

Feel free to use this post to talk to me, to each other, or just to vent. I will still write a post here and there about this experience, there's one in particular I need to write, a post where I need to talk about my friend who died from cancer in the summer, an old friend that I drew tons of strength from through this insanity. The grace and dignity with which she conducted her battle against cancer left a huge impression on me and little did I know at the time I was learning such a valuable lesson.

Hmm. Life. Doing our best to love and appreciate it while we have it.