If you don't care, why not?

I've been reading around and there's some discussion on people making comparisons in adoption, such as comparing adoption to slavery or the Holocaust.

As I read I think about what I could compare adoption to and I realize, it's just not that simple. It's too personal and there are too many portions or aspects to an adoption to make it comparable to much.

I could take a portion of a specific person's adoption experience and compare it to the Holocaust I suppose. The problem though, with a general comparison of adoption to something horrific, is that adoption isn't horrific for everyone who has been involved in one whereas I think in the Holocaust, we can all agree, it is.

It always comes back to credibility for me.

I read stories of parents who have had their babies stolen from them. It's horrific to imagine. I read stories about adopted people who landed in horrific adoptive families and it angers me to my core. I think about how I don't really know the circumstances of my conception and birth, who my biological father is and, if I let it, it pisses me off.

When I talk to my friend who was adopted by a woman who just had to have her little girl and then ended up ditching her with a father who never wanted her, it makes me really mad. I marvel at my friend's resilience, her ability to be a great mom in spite of the fact she herself never had one.

When I look realistically at specific negative incidents, circumstances, situations, or experiences people have in adoption I can get on board with reform. No problem. It makes sense. It's believable.

You tell me adoption as an entity is like slavery or the Holocaust? I think you're hysterical, dramatic, self-absorbed, and/or attention seeking.

I and many other people needed adoption. We needed families who wanted us. There are many people who will need families and never get one. Even a subpar, adoptive family would be preferable to many people who have nobody.

The problem I have with comparing adoption to something universally terrible, to crimes against all humanity, is that for this adoptee, it doesn't compare.

Don't we care what non-adopted atrocity victims' and their descendants' reactions are to these kinds of comparisons? Care what the would-give-anything-to-have-been-adopted's reactions are to these kinds of comparisons? Care what people who are completely satisfied with their adoption experience think? And if you don't care, why not?

You already have each other's support.


  1. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Linda.

  2. Specious, unoriginal and mind-numbingly inept.
    It really is unfortunate that some people are such slaves to bad comparisons.

    Yep, they should try telling it to the NAACP. Who cares what African American descendants of slaves think anyway?
    Or the remaining survivors of the World War II holocaust? They're old and will soon be history, so their feelings and opinions don't matter. Come to think of it, neither does history, except as an excuse to co-opt the tragedies of others for lack of original ideas.

    Quite a gift to the NCFA.
    Chuckie must be chuckling up his sleevie.

  3. This is a great post Campbell, and please count me among those who do care. When I read or hear about adoption comparisons to atrocities like slavery, the Holocaust, etc., I feel the same way you do. Adoption stands alone with its own unique issues that vary significantly among individuals. My particular set of circumstances involved a number of things that could really piss me off too, but like you, I choose not to let that happen. Life is too short and I prefer to enjoy as much of it as I can.

  4. Anon, you captured exactly the mind-numbingly "DUH" factor described so well on Stuff White People Like.

    Comparing People to Hitler

    Being a truly advanced white person means being able to speak with authority about pretty much any field of conversation- especially politics. In order for white people to streamline the process of knowing everything, all human beings can be neatly filed into one of two categories: People I Agree With, and People Who are Just Like Adolf Hitler.

    Comparing people to Hitler is an easy way for white people to get a strong point across to the less enlightened, or the insufficiently white. Everyone knows who Adolf Hitler was. And everyone knows that Hitler was very, very bad. Therefore, if a white person really, REALLY, doesn’t like something or someone, he or she may angrily say something to the effect of, “This is exactly the same kind of thing that Hitler used to do!” accompanied by varying levels of profanity based on blood-alcohol content. No matter what your gut reaction may be at that point, do not disagree with that white person. Otherwise, well, you love Hitler.

    Read the whole thing at

    Another thing I've noticed is that the people who compare something to Hitler claim that they are NOT comparing anything to Hitler. They are just using his name to make you aware of how bad something is. Meh, I think it all adds up to the same thing. In the end it's all about Hitler--the instantly recognizable brand name for what can never be justified or redeemed in their opinion.

    1. This certainly makes the point that comparing anything to Hitler does not work when trying to attract others to your cause.

      Anyone can compare their own situation and life to anything among their friends and when "preaching to the choir". It seems to be a sure hit that always draws cheers in some circles. It may feel good in the short run, but in the long run it damages and discredits adoptee rights as a viable reform movement.

      The problem arises when using such analogies in the political and public arena to try to garner support for adoptee rights and access to birth certificates. Those who do this hurt the cause of adoptee rights, no matter how much they protest. NCFA could hardly come up with a better strategy to make adoptee rights look dangerous, extreme, and irrelevant than comparing adoption to Hitler, the Holocaust, slavery, or other atrocities.

      Saying it again, adoption does not need to be compared to anything to be accurately described as corrupt, infantilizing of adopted adults, coercive of mothers in crisis, commercialized, profit-making, and in dire need of many reforms, starting with adoptee rights to their own OBC. The sad facts clearly stated speak for themselves without need for sensational and offensive hyperbole.

  5. I just don't get why people are against adoption. Bringing families together? Whats so bad about that? I don't give a rats ass if a family is made by adoption or biology...I just celebrate that people have more people in their lives to love and support them.

    I guess I see it that if someone really didn't want to put their child up for adoption then they shouldn't have signed the paperwork. And if they didn't sign the paperwork, its not adoption its kidnapping. But what business is it of anyone if someone has a happy adoption experience...why do some people work so hard to try and make that into a bad thing? I have NEVER run into anyone in my "real"(meaning not internet) life that says "you were adopted? You shouldn't be happy and you should be bitter because you were ripped from your mothers arms" NEVER. Why? Because most people don't think like that. I know many adoptees and also some women that have given up their children for adoption. And the women that have given their children for adoption have always told me they hope their biological children have as positive an outlook as I have, and that they feel much comfort in hearing positive adoptions. While some may have felt pressured to put their children up for adoption by circumstance they didn't spiral into a deep resentful life and blame everyone else for their pain.

    Maybe they're a lot more emotionally stable than the women I seem to read about online. Thank god for that. Adoption isn't a conspiracy...its an option.

    Alex(blogger won't let me log on...)


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