You're just like your mother

I think the majority of women fear dread becoming their mothers and/or are determined not to be like them, obviously some have more reason than others to fear dread it.

Am I wrong?


  1. I used to have that fear until my mom took in two foster children. She has grown so much that I now kinda look up to her. I think I would be proud to be like my mom.

  2. Both of my mothers are fine women. I would fare well to have turned out like either of them.

    I have a lot of very different skills, talents, and interests than from the parents who raised me. Discovering who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do is something that was a trial and error process for me that I feel I've often more or less navigated alone (not for lack of moral support, just lack of a parent or family member whose interests and skills are similar who could help me hone my own). At this point, I am happy to be "just like me," not "like" anyone else. I hope my children will say the same about themselves as individuals. They don't need to be like me. Whoever they are and continue to grow to be is even better than being like their mother, I'm sure lol :-)

  3. It is what it is. I know I will become my mother. I see in myself many of her good and bad qualities. The only thing I can do is to recognize the bad ones and work on them.

  4. I definitely had that fear. And for a long time I think many of my actions were more about being in opposition to my mother, and not becoming her, than they were about doing what I actually wanted. But I don't have that fear anymore. I lost it somewhere in my early thirties. I'm not her. I have all my own special annoying qualities.

  5. No, I wouldn't want to be like my mother.
    It was generally thought that I was a changeling when I was young, but I remember when I was about ten years old overhearing one of my my father's closest friends say to him about me, "She's not at all like (my mother's name). Much more like you."
    One of the best things I ever heard!

  6. I am old enough that I must admit I HAVE become my mother in some ways, and many of them I would rather not. The thing I hate most is being a chronic worrier and always assuming the worst if someone is 5 minutes late, or ill. Like my mother I go into panic mode, then have to talk myself down from it as best as possible. This even extends beyond my family to my cats!

    I look quite a bit like my mother, see her in the mirror, the good part, nice skin, the bad part, too fat as she was at this age, and lazy.

    Good part of my mom, I love little kids, bad part, unlike her I have no grandkids to spoil and don't know if I ever will. Neither me nor my mom were neat or good housekeepers, but I am worse. Very disorganized to the point of chaos, and too many chotchkes I can't bear to part with, mine and my moms:-)

    I cook a lot of the same stuff my mom did, and expect people to eat up. I suspect my mom was depressed, I have dealt with depression most of my life, but like my mom, do not talk about feelings with family members.

    We both loved to read, especially murder mysteries and I have enjoyed many of the same books my mom loved. She was a first grade teacher, and we both have tons of books. My Mom was not much for traveling or socializing, and neither am I.

    Yeah, I have turned into my mother, the good and bad, after years of swearing I would not be like her. Luckily my kids are more like my Dad, athletic, active, and brave.

    For those who do not know, I am a birthmother, not an adoptee, so only have one mom.

  7. Agreeing with you. What's really interesting is *why*. Personally, I think all familial relationships are quite dark underneath, which may be a reaction to being so damned dependent on our parents, especially our mothers, at one time. I already see this in DD. She pokes insane fun at me at times, and all kids seem to need this period where they pull away with a frenzy. Then one day you wake up and realize you do have characteristics in common with your mother (esp if you share genetic traits) and then you remember how you swore you would never be like her!

  8. I would never want to be like my Mom. However, as my kids get older, I think I am beginning to understand her actions a little more.

  9. I've never personally had that fear. I'm happy that I turned out just like myself.
    I'm not sure what you are getting at.

  10. Fear may have been the wrong word..maybe dread and/or are determined not to be like them.

  11. What is interesting is not that I dreaded being like my mom but how much her desire not to be like her mother has affected both of us. Her relationship with her mother was very volatile due to my grandmother's alcoholism. So in response, she emotionally runs from the idea that she is like her mother. Unfortunately, she is like her mother in many ways and I am like her so she seems to place the blame for problems in our relationship on me because I am like "her" (my grandmother). Makes for a frustrating relationship because we have so many similar interests but there is a fair amount of tiptoeing.

  12. I look like my mother - almost exactly - but I am like my father.... I never inherited her traits. I am practical and driven, she is lazy and unable to function outside of her comfort zone...

    My father, on the other hand was much as I am... LOL!

  13. Maybe the good traits in one's mother, but not the bad ones?

    Dread? Eh... depends. Not entirely sure what you're getting at here, unless you mean Teenager A who goes, "When I become a mom, I'll remember how this feels, and I'm NEVER going to nag my kids about xyz!!"

    Unless you're talking about simply avoiding the mistakes that (generic) you feel your mother made, which is a little different.

  14. This post made me laugh very hard! And ass I was preparing to say something smarmy with my acerbic wit I realized how much I'd fall to pieces if I ever over heard my daughter saying that she'd hate to be anything like me. In fact, I'm starting to cry.
    So I'll let my mom be for now and go think about this.

  15. Not really trying to "get at" anything specifically, it's just been my experience most women feel this way. Thinking about it, some men feel that way too about their dads.

    Couple of things in your comments stand out to me "..overhearing one of my my father's closest friends say to him about me, "She's not at all like (my mother's name). Much more like you."
    One of the best things I ever heard!" I can relate to for sure because if someone (my ex husband when trying to get me riled) says to me, "you're just like your mother" it doesn't feel like a compliment. Although I love my mom I do not want to be like her, especially as a parent, and have thought that way since I was a teenager.

    Our children feeling the same way came up in conversation the other day, what an unsettling thought. Although my mom hates to be told she's like her mom, she is, as was her mom like her mom and would have been insulted to be told so. I will admit they were a bit better versions of themselves as time went on.

    So am I like my mom? Nope and I think it's out of sheer determination combined with (lack of) genetics. I think it's also because I am able to self examine in a way she can't, to entertain the possibility I'm mirroring her short comings and adjust accordingly if necessary.

    "The only thing I can do is to recognize the bad ones and work on them."

    This is what I taught my son was his responsibility when it came to his dad and I.

    To emulate what he thought was good about us, and lose the bad.


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