Looks like I'll get to meet my biological mother. Pretty exciting. Kind of surprising. Slightly intimidating.
I say only slightly because I think I'm fairly likable. I have no great expectation, just hope for respect and forthrightness. I think my care for her situation will shine through as it's sincere. From what I can tell we share the same kind of pragmatic view on my being adopted so it should go all go fairly smoothly.
There's just one thing, one very important factor causing me huge trepidation. I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to get the situation under control prior to the date we've decided upon to get together. Call it what you will. Karma, bad luck, lesson in humility, payback for things I did in 7th grade.
See, I procrastinated, as usual, and waited until the last minute to prepare to go back to work after the summer. Part of my preparation is catching up on controlling my graying hair which I tend to let slide in the summer. Of course at the last minute my regular hair person was unavailable so I dashed out to wherever and got just anybody to wash that gray right outta my hair. Meh, it wasn't the best but the gray was gone, I was a happy enough camper.
In visiting with this stylist while being transformed into a woman half my age, I was persuaded to come back another day for a cut. I know you know where this is going.
I still have a few weeks to go before the big reveal, the big day, the weirdness waiting for both myself and my biological mother. I wish she'd ask for a picture of me so she could see what I look like, used to look like, should look like.
That is, what I looked like before I was 2 snips from a mullet.
Monday
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Ouch. This is why I refuse to cut my hair more than once or twice a year.
ReplyDeleteHaha Iam, ouch is right!
ReplyDeleteAhh funny. It has been a lesson in humility.
I am the stereotypical female, always moaning about my hair. It's like the stars said, "alright lady, I'll give you something to cry about...take that!"
Campbell, why in the name of horny toads would you worry about your hair being gray? Good grief! I wonder why anyone does...maybe because we all think we have to fit into the social stigmatism that "young" is beautiful, strong, energetic...bull! LOL
ReplyDeleteLet it be natural. Let it be who you really are!
I do love Jaime Lee Curtis in a way. I think that she is right about not making it look like you are something you aren't. Maybe if we did it, people would realize it was ok to be us.....sigh.
Lol Lori...maybe that's why this had to happen to me. To teach me not to be vain about going gray!
ReplyDeleteAnd I will let it go gray...when I'm 80 :P
Hahaha - I'm with you. I'm NEVER really happy after a haircut, and it really does affect my mood.
ReplyDeleteI hope all goes well with the meeting!
Wow, Campbell, I am excited for you and can't wait to hear how it goes!! As for the gray, call me vain, but I get it washed out too. I refuse to be gray till I'm at least 65. I LOVE Clairol's Root Touch Up for in-between colorings. Now I don't even have to deal with the pesky gray at my roots.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your mother will not care about your hair cut!! And I'm sure it will be the last thing on your mind when you meet her. I'm happy for you!
An, thanks. Hah, hair is for sure a funny thing for us female types.
ReplyDeleteKris, thanks for the root tip and well wishes! Not so sure about the near mullet being inconsequential. Something like that can say a lot about a person. In fact, in googling the word, the following (along with some hilarious photos) from Wikipedia comes up...
"The mullet is a hairstyle that is short at the front and sides, and long in the back. Often ridiculed as a lowbrow and unappealing hairstyle, the mullet ..."
Thankfully I kinda sorta still have my sides : |
Campbell- WOWZA!!!!! wow. wow. Just hoping for the very best for both of you.
ReplyDeleteLori made me laugh with the 'horny toads' comment! How you feel- I so get it though. I am currently plucking the weird kinky white hairs but I think me needs to do more- or else be bald!
(Plus adding foundation to my daily routine was a real bummer. Skin starts to act all weird along with the hair color change.)
Little story about when I met my oldest daughter (OD)...
Our plane landed in China and we were met by our guide. The day that we were to meet our daughter was supposed to be 2 days later. In baggage claim we were met by our adoption guide and told that we would be going straight from the airport to meet our daughter. Ack. I was a tired sweaty mess with no makeup (or what I did have on dripped off in the Southern China humidity)
I waited with all of my being for that moment that we would meet OD and when it finally came...
vanity reared fierce.
I vividly remember standing in front of the airport mirror and saying to myself-
How can you meet your child looking (and smelling) this way?
Rock the mullet and consider yourself lucky to have access to deodorant ;)
Diane lol
ReplyDeleteYour story wins, hands down. At the moment I can't remember how old OD was when you met, but I know little girls here as young as 6 and 7 can be VERY aware of how adults look. Based on that, I'm afraid the lack of shower and sleep and deodorant would have invaded my thoughts and the "moment" as well.
I think I have the ultimate "meeting your relative/bad hair story. I can truly relate:-) The weekend I was supposed to meet my surrendered son and his wife for dinner, I was meeting with my life-long girlfriends down the shore first.I had long hair then, generally professionally colored dark blond/light brown. But I decided I wanted to look really cool with highlights, and I decided to do it myself. Very, very bad choice,
ReplyDeleteMy hair ended up looking like a brown, yellow and orange skunk. It was too late to get an appointment to fix it, and looking like that did not help my already nervous temperament.
The only thing that saved me was my one friend who is a hair and fashion expert and she said she could fix it, so we got some hair color at the drug store and she worked a minor miracle, or at least made me look human again.
When I met my son and his wife it was very comfortable and I ended up telling them about my hair misadventure and we all laughed. My son said his hair had once been blue, in a punk period I guess, and he also had blond highlights at one time when that was in fashion. So did two of my other sons. His wife has gorgeous thick natural black hair that she said she has never colored, why bother? My boys all have sort of fine dishwater brown like me,
Your mother will think you are beautiful no matter what your hair looks like. You could even show up bald. Trust me, and good luck on your reunion.
Nothing wrong with feeling you need to colour your hair. I do it for fun, but when I do get greys I'm sure I'll do it then as well. Its not vain to want to feel pretty and confident...its human nature. I think its strange not to care. Although taking it too far is unhealthy...but you certainly are grounded enough for that not to be an issue so I wouldn't even go there!!
ReplyDeleteSecondly...damn now I really want to see a picture of your hair.
ANd third...wow big things!! I hope it all goes well and I look forward to hearing about it!!
Mary Anne....you had me already laughing out loud at "...and I decided to do it myself." My husband yelled from the living room, what was that?!
ReplyDeleteAh funny. Thank you for the well wishes ...thankfully my hair grows fast and it gets less mullet-esque every day. For a while there bald was tempting!!
Alex, I've always done it for fun too so it's not a stretch to continue on to erase the gray.
I'll report for sure on how it goes. Should be interesting since it's definitely something one doesn't do everyday, eh?
Campbell- OD was a few weeks shy of 8.
ReplyDeleteI was a stinky jet lagged mess and she was wearing red cowboy boots (with dangling silver bells) with an orange and black striped sweat suit and a red knitted hat with silver strewn glitter....I think we were both a little....surprised?
Fingers crossed for you and yours.
Oh that's awesome Diane. Hah!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
ReplyDeleteCampbell,
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your meeting. DO NOT FORGET YOUR CAMERA...comparing photo's after with pictures of you in the same pose...just sureal.
Oh gawd Sandy...it hadn't even occurred to me to bring a camera. The thought of that made my stomach feel a little sick (although I did have a fair amount of wine last night at a baby shower).
ReplyDeleteI HATE getting my picture taken, always have, but it's a good idea. There's the possibility she doesn't mind pics and it would be good to have on hand, just in case.
Thanks!
Wow, Campbell, this is huge news! I understand why you would have been very sensitive to discussion about adoptees feelings about reuniting, you are right there!!! I will be thinking of you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI understand about hair. I'm one of those hippie types and I don't mind not shaving my legs because I have pale blonde hair you can barely see, but under my arms, blech. It's one of those internal dilemmas because I want to be all, "I don't care about appearance!!" but then I'm all like, yeah but underarm hair is so not attractive.
Although we deal with it on men, so it's not like it's should totally destroy us to see it on women. Yet it very often does LOL
Well, actually I'm sensitive to discussion of adoptees feelings because I'm adopted and have feelings, not so much because I'm going to meet my bio mom.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm "very" sensitive to discussion of adoptees feelings about reuniting is when the discussion has an undertone or blatant tone of negativity toward adopted people who aren't interested in searching and/or meeting their biological relatives. That there's something wrong with them or they're in a fog or they're not as in touch with themselves as adoptees who are interested in finding and meeting their relatives.
It's just not that big of a deal to some adoptees and there's absolutely nothing wrong with, or weird or abnormal about, that.
Thank you for your enthusiasm about my upcoming meeting!
I don't think there's anything wrong with them. I don't think it's kind to the first parents. No person has to be kind their parent whether they are adopted or, but we tend to think it makes sense for people raised by loving parents to be kind to them. And I think it makes sense to be kind and care about your biological parents. However being scared or insecure about reunion is not a sign of not caring about a first parent. That's just normal human feelings. And it's a different issue to me then just thinking the first parent doesn't deserve to be cared about, or that they don't deserve to be seen and understood in what happened.
ReplyDeleteWe are both adoptees and I happen to feel differently than you on this, but I understand adoption being a confusing things and adoptees not knowing how to feel about first parents. It is definately confusing!
I happen to know that my first mom loved me very much. I can't imagine refusing to interact with her just because I didn't care and didn't think she was worth interacting with.
That being said, I am talking as an adoptee when I say all that. When I am looking at first parents, you have to love your child whether they ever treat you with love or not. That's part of being a parent. You just care and no your kids don't have to return it.
But as an ethical person, I think it's a good thing to return love to people who love us. Just how I feel about that.
I don't want to say "I hope it goes well" because you just never know with this things, probably the less expectation, the better these things go, lol.
I didn't have any expectations at all, (other than that I hoped they would be happy to meet me) and I think that helped things. But I don't know, I'm just one person!