Thinking outside our own little postage stamps of experience

I have been drawn to the thread I'm linking to on this post on and off over the past month or so. It's a fascinating contrast to posts about auto-mommies and their auto-love, how blood conquers all.

I imagine the OP didn't expect to generate so many comments from those who can relate. Or maybe she did. I am not surprised by the huge response. I've seen a few moms IRL over the years who likely/maybe love their kids but clearly do/did not enjoy being a mother. If I noticed, you can bet their kids notice too.

Now, my intent in this post isn't to say all these kids should be, or should have been, adopted. My intent is to try and bring awareness to those who believe in auto-mommy magic. To do my part in encouraging women who don't want kids to not feel pressured to have them. To maybe help a woman who is feeling inferior as a mother to realize she is not a freak, that there are others who aren't feeling the mommy thing, or worse.

I worry about mothers, biological or not, being set up for failure.

It's ok to not want kids and I applaud those who don't go ahead and have them anyway. If you figure out you didn't want kids after the fact, don't have more. If you love your kids but are struggling or are struggling with the fact you feel you may not, I wish there was more understanding and support.

I wish the myths and fairy tales about women and motherhood would become extinct.



  1. Interesting reading. Although I never felt the overwhelming isolation and dislike for motherhood that many of the commenters are expressing (except during my episode with postpartum depression when I wanted to give my baby to my mom), being a stay at home mom (or any kind of mom) can certainly be isolating and lonely.

    The problem is that no one wants to admit that sometimes it just sucks. Because that must mean you don't love your kids right? But sometimes when you are stuck inside with a screaming baby or sick kids or when you are so tired you can't see straight, it really does just suck. And no one tells you that before you have kids. You only hear about how wonderful it is.

    I love being a mother - which is a good thing because I have 4 kids. But there are days it sucks just like anything else. I am suspicious of women who think everything about motherhood is "wonderful".

    I noticed a lot of the mothers commenting were either very young like early 20's or older mothers. I wonder if that has any impact? I personally was not ready to be a mother till I had my first at 29. And I sure as hell would not want to have any kids now (even if I did not have any) at 42. I am EXHAUSTED when I watch my sister's toddlers. If I had had my kids at 21 I probably would have resented them and the same at 42. That's just me, not making any generalizations. But I did notice that about the commenters ages.

    Also, most seemed to have babies and very young children. It can be a very stressful and isolating time even for those of us who really wanted to be mothers.


  2. Question: If some people "like" their children but wished they had never become a mother, then why is there so much pressure to become a wife and make babiezzz1!!! ?

  3. I don't know Mei Ling. Maybe those of us for whom mothering came relatively easy are to blame, or those too old to remember their own struggles, what it may have really been like?

    Great comment Kris, thanks. I imagine age likely has quite a bit to do with it. Our ages can dictate our energy levels. I guess too, at certain ages, there are maybe just things people would prefer to be doing, feel they may be missing out on.

    I think maybe crappy marriages can also be a factor.

  4. "Women Aren't Chimpanzees"
    An interview with French feminist Elizabeth Badinter


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