On second thought, she's all yours

The other day my mom talked about making perogies with her friend's daughter. Two hundred of them! All for the friend's daughter, none even for my mom to take home (which if you knew my mom is shocking in itself). Wow. Nice thing for my mom to do, she has never done that with me. It's like pulling teeth for her to cough up a perogy or two for my son and I unless someone special is in town visiting and dinner is at my place. Oohh, sounds bitter, eh? Jealous right? Well, it was. But when I think about it now, the LAST thing I feel like doing is making a few hundred perogies with my mother! Yeah, no, not my idea of fun.

So? Why would I be jealous of something I don't even want? Well, of course it wasn't the perogy making experience I wanted, what I was jealous of was someone getting something I don't have and what I don't have is a storybook relationship with my mom.

I think it's all about desire to have something that's very difficult to obtain. Especially when it comes to mothers and daughters. I'm trying to think of someone, anyone that I know that has the ideal mother/daughter relationship and I'm drawing a blank.

People talk about baggage in romantic relationships, well I think we also have it familial relationships. I think parents bring their own from growing up which is then thrown on to the pile that starts accumulating when they have kids. Why do we expect it to be any different than any other relationships? Sure there is a different kind of connection but the dynamic is the same. In fact, many times we treat our family members with less consideration than we would an acquaintance or a stranger on the street.

Good relationships take effort, by all parties involved. It's my opinion that those special parent/child relationships that do on occasion exist have taken effort and commitment early in the child's life and then an ongoing dedication on behalf of both parties to continue to work things out, to care about how each other are feeling, to really be prepared to apologize when warranted and try to see where the other is coming from.

Just wanting something doesn't make it so. And if it isn't so, let go gracefully. Quit banging your head against the wall. Nothing is automatic, no relationship is effortless or magical.

It's natural to wish something were a certain way, but it's important to have the strength to recognize when that's all it will ever be, is a wish. I'm not saying jump ship necessarily, that's for us all to decide as individuals, but let go of the fantasy. Stop setting yourself up for failure and disappointment and try and see things as they really are.

You never know, maybe what actually is will be a hell of a lot better than continuing to hope for something that never will be.