It's Father's Day, and it's making me a bit sad.
My father is no longer with me physically but he's in my heart and mind, not on any higher pedestal than he deserves. I try hard not to allow my dead people to become better than they really were. I don't see the point as I try to learn from their mistakes, as well as my own. Nobody is perfect, but their combination of goodness and imperfections can make for the perfect person for someone else, and my dad was that. The perfect father for me.
My husband is a father, but not to my child. My husband underestimates his importance to his children, as I think many fathers do. I hope I've added to his relationship with his sons in that I try to help him see how much a hug can mean, how saying "I love you son" or "I'm proud of you" once in a while is a good thing. My husband is a very good dad and has been there for his boys in ways I doubt they even know about.
My nieces have no dad as their father is my brother who died 5 years ago. My brother was a wonderful father and it's sad these girls don't have him. They need him and their life is forever altered by the loss of him at such young ages.
My son's dad. I'm careful when I talk about my son's dad for the simple fact he's my son's dad. I think because I'm respectful of this it allows my son to turn to me when his dad's not stepping up to the plate. I took the high road in the breakdown of my marriage, something for which I've been criticized by some who aren't my son, but it's been the right decision. My son is able to trust that he comes before any animosity I may hold or have held for his father, and I think that's huge. All kids know when their parent(s) suck, but they usually love them anyway and hold hope that some day it will be different. They don't want anyone trashing their mom or dad, even if they're doing it themselves.
I take responsibility for choosing this kind of dad for my son, because I did.
I'm sad today for those who are without their dad that's perfect for them and for those who've never had one.
Dads matter, and for those that know or knew it, a very happy Father's day to you.
Sunday
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You have more common sense than just about anyone I know. I hope Father's Day at your house was very good.
ReplyDeleteGeez Margie, thanks, that's a nice thing to say. It means much coming from you.
ReplyDeleteIt was nice for my husband as his son and our daughter-in-law and grand dog came over.
Can't say I was (or am) too pleased on how it went for my boy though, but, he's a smart guy and tries hard to keep things like that in perspective.
My son got my husband, his step dad, a beautiful card that touched both my husband and myself. It also made me feel a little better that I've at least been able to show him a healthy married relationship for what I hope will be the majority of his life.
This is what the card said.
We may not share the same genes, but it means so much that you believe in me and my dreams..
You may not have been there from the very beginning, but you've always been someone I could turn to and trust..
Though we may not be related by blood, you are such a special part of my life
I'm sure we're relate by love.
Nice : )
My dad was not perfect but perfect for me too :)
ReplyDeleteSweet about your son's card to your husband!
I know Diane, and aren't we lucky?
ReplyDeleteI tell myself the grief that goes with losing these special people we got to have in our lives is well worth it to have had them at all.
It gets easier, but it takes time. Don't be afraid to refuse to be sad about it when you just can't, but allow yourself to feel everything you feel when you can. I talked and thought quite a bit about my dad and brother before they died, I'm sure as hell not going to stop now :D
Thanks Campbell. I really appreciate the advice and support! I agree- it is well worth it to have had them at all. Absolutely.
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