It's a little more than just luck

I spent last weekend out of town attending my cousin's wedding. Now this particular cousin is my "best" guy cousin. We were very close growing up spending tons of time together as our moms are sisters and also close.

Everything that went on is still running through my thoughts. There was a bit of everything as far as emotions go.

Pride. There are two main things I was proud of, one being my son and the other being the closeness of the family that were in attendance.

I was proud of my son for just being with me. He's twenty and much of the time twenty year olds have better things than family functions to do. Initially he'd said he'd not attend but then changed his mind because he felt he'd not been doing many family things lately and although I told him it wasn't necessary, I know he partially came to be with me. After much consideration I'd decided I'd drive my mom the fourteen hours to attend the wedding, something which my husband was not keen on in the slightest so had decided to pass on the trip (I promised my husband years ago that I'd never be the type to insist he do anything he didn't want and have stuck by my words. I'm a firm believer that it's better to be without someone who doesn't want to be somewhere, and when it's something that's important to me for him to be at, he just is, without me having to ask).

I've been traveling with my son by car, train, plane since he was two so we travel very well together, both of us being laid back and able to easily adapt to most situations. My mom, on the other hand, doesn't travel or live this way so it was very nice to have my ally with me, my breath of fresh air, my eye rolling partner, my now grown son and friend. To see him connecting with cousins, chatting with other people he'd just met, helping me gps around town, and just generally be my partner in crime was awesome and made me very proud to be his mom.

The other thing I was proud of was something observed and pointed out to me by a lovely woman I sat beside at the wedding reception. This new acquaintance has no family to speak of and was marveling at how we cousins knew each other and how important we all appeared to be to each other. How the aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, and cousins who are no longer with us were honoured and toasted in speeches. You could see in her face that she hadn't even thought this type of closeness really existed in families. We talked a bit about it, the reasons for it, with both of us deciding that although there is some luck in having closeness in family, it has to be important to the people involved or luck just wouldn't be enough.

It takes care and patience. A willingness to want it and the ability to accept differences. Many times it's necessary to forgive, even if forgetting is impossible. It can mean letting go of our visions of what we think our family should be like and accepting what is. Sometimes it means apologizing or just letting go of old baggage, agreeing to disagree with a hug and a smile. Families are never without their issues, sometimes serious issues. If they're solvable though, they won't get solved on their own.

It's an amazing feeling to be with and enjoy family. I am so fortunate.


  1. Yes indeed, like anything worth having it needs care, attention and work sometimes!

  2. Absolutely right on. I'm glad you had this time with your son and your mother, as well as all the rest of the family you saw at the wedding.

    And you are so right: it is an amazing feeling to enjoy your family. Definitely something not to be taken for granted.

  3. "If they're solvable though, they won't get solved on their own."

    ...hmmmm. Whatever happened to time heals all wounds? This gave me something to think about and I think I do agree with you. There is always a time for forgivness and often the words do need to be said, even if it isn't that big of a deal. Great post.


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