tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post4964132640885056414..comments2023-04-13T02:42:31.179-07:00Comments on And other ideas and thoughts ....: You think that's not objectiveCampbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-28979076785633365402012-11-18T07:35:27.902-08:002012-11-18T07:35:27.902-08:00(Very late to the game, but here it is anyway)
Bi...(Very late to the game, but here it is anyway)<br /><br />Bias - my son was placed with his parents in an open adoption.<br /><br />I think a lot of parental confusion is placed upon children in these situations. It would confuse me to suddenly have two parents who raise me, but also have two other people who care a great deal about me, are my family, and see me frequently. Actually, that wouldn't confuse me at all as a child. Open adoption seems strange within the context of closed adoption. In the larger context of human history there's more precedent for open adoption style relationships than closed. As an example there are nomadic tribes in Mongolia (to this day) in which children are raised by their mother's brother. Among many tribes in the USA (before the Europeans showed up) children were raised by their entire extended family. Their parents never lost standing as parents, but the children had a dozen or more caretakers. In the town where I grew up it wasn't at all uncommon for children to be raised by uncles, grandparents, aunts, or family friends (either permanently or temporarily). Again, the parents never lost standing as parents.<br /><br />From what I've seen open adoptions don't confuse children when the adults in them aren't confused. Kids follow the emotional communication around them. In most situations they don't understand a child will be comfortable if the adults around them are comfortable and caring.I amhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13182867182942654599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-48397631490549299552011-06-11T06:41:50.597-07:002011-06-11T06:41:50.597-07:00Thanks Anonymous. Of course not being in your situ...Thanks Anonymous. Of course not being in your situation it's impossible to know for sure but I think that's likely how I would choose to do things too.Campbellhttp://campbellscoup.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-75018274446438982492011-06-11T02:11:07.683-07:002011-06-11T02:11:07.683-07:00My son is his biomom’s second born. As an adoptee,...My son is his biomom’s second born. As an adoptee, I have not opened his adoption to include visits because I worry about the psychological damage it may cause him. I, like you, can’t imagine having my biomom and her “kept” child/children coming to visit me and demanding to be called siblings while we aren’t being raised together by the same parent. I think it’s too much for a child to bear. I send photos and updates but visits, no not for now. When he is an older and mature teen, and he wants to pursue a relationship with his biomom/bio sibling, I will support it. But as a young child I think it would be too much to know your bioparent “kept” the first born but not you. JMHOAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-69154496957070034812011-06-01T12:26:21.973-07:002011-06-01T12:26:21.973-07:00I read Amanda's post and while I can believe t...I read Amanda's post and while I can believe that agencies may have used open adoption as further encouragement to consider adoption, the actual numbers don't support that it worked.<br /><br />While the overall number of adoptions (per year) have stayed relatively the same, the percentage of private (agency or attorney)/kinship/tribal adoptions have gone down. The percentage of public agency adoptions (foster care) and international adoption went up during that same time frame.<br /><br />Cherylp1130Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-40362901927541631702011-06-01T06:44:58.644-07:002011-06-01T06:44:58.644-07:00Gail, both parents could and likely should transit...Gail, both parents could and likely should transition the child back if in the child's best interest but I'd guess in most cases wouldn't. It always seems to me that in any kind of parental custody circumstance more often than not the parents put their own self interests and egos first.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-37711452492839955862011-05-31T14:02:22.842-07:002011-05-31T14:02:22.842-07:00My response reflects my experience and perspective...My response reflects my experience and perspective as a firstmom from the BSE . To me, open adoption seems to be a different form of coercion than the “better life story” used during earlier times and could certainly be used to entice vulnerable women to choose adoption as a plan for their child. While the secrecy and lies may be partially or totally eliminated in open adoption, an entirely new set of issues and problems are created for all and may, in some circumstances, be worse than those in a closed adoption . I view open adoption as being another social experiment using children. On occasion I read a popular open adoption blog and I feel the pain from the parents and their missing child and I can’t help but wonder this: if the plan is supposed to be in the best interest of the child, then can both sets of parents (adoptive and bio) work together to transition the child back to his/her family if such a move would be in the child’s best interest?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-73683628944304805592011-05-30T10:08:56.133-07:002011-05-30T10:08:56.133-07:00"..I've never felt abandoned but can'..."..I've never felt abandoned but can't honestly say I'd feel that way had I been exposed to a lifetime of observing a perfectly intact family who just didn't want me, or weren't allowed to get me back if they did."<br /><br />That's just it - the circumstances that made parents desperate enough to let someone else raise their child do change. Open adoption does allow parents to keep an eye on their child to make sure their child knows that they would be together as a family if circumstances were different when they were born. I do no of many mothers and fathers counting down the days until their kid turns 18 in open/semi open adoptions. Facebook and myspace are even breaking down that 18 year barrier.Marilynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13960705594201164599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-34148898082196135012011-05-27T19:51:18.153-07:002011-05-27T19:51:18.153-07:00I checked out Amanda's post too, and I've ...I checked out Amanda's post too, and I've never thought about the issue of open adoption this way. I'm glad you both shared your opinions. It's given me more to think about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-45449755893779536792011-05-27T15:30:06.838-07:002011-05-27T15:30:06.838-07:00Thanks Amanda.
It's amazing how different you...Thanks Amanda.<br /><br />It's amazing how different your and my perspectives are on some things.<br /><br />When I was in a bad relationship, I was simply a human being in one. My being adopted wasn't a factor. Being a woman, although never a negative in itself, is/was far more relevant than being adopted.<br /><br />I do agree adoption being better or worse than anything else doesn't mean it doesn't come with legitimate issues of it's own for some people but I don't think saying there are worse things is labeling it, it's just stating the facts as they for some other people. I happen to be one of them.<br /><br />I do, now that I read and write about it, compare adoption to things I've been through, things others have been through, and it's my feeling that in the big scheme of things, for me, although my having been adopted will never change, it is, by far, no where near close to the worst things I've experienced or witnessed others experience.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5210353425616744235.post-13678840980301677512011-05-27T14:42:12.383-07:002011-05-27T14:42:12.383-07:00You and Amanda are right about the development of ...You and Amanda are right about the development of open adoption to encourage mothers to surrender children. Openness in adoption has occured both because of activists seeking their records and reunions but also, especially in 80's social work literature, you'll see a lot of discussion of offering open adoption to mothers who otherwise could not be persuaded to surrender their babies.<br /><br />I think open adoptions can aleviate some of the problems associated with closed adoption, namely in identity formation. But I also agree with those who say it seems like it would present problems of its own as well.<br /><br />I don't know why adoption has to be labeled as better or worse than anything else someone could go through. It is what it is. It being better or worse than something else doesn't mean it doesn't come with legitimate issues of its own for many people. Surrendered at three days old, I've never known what it is like not to be adopted. When I was in a bad relationship prior to meeting my husband, I was an adoptee in a bad relationship. When I struggled to conceive my first child, I was an adoptee with fertility issues. Being adopted was as relevant in these situations as being a woman is. I can certainly hypothesize that things I've been through in my life would have been a lot easier had adoption issues, which share common themes with these other events, not been an added variable. I don't compare adoption to other things I've been through. Adoption has been an added element on top of those things.The Declassified Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16726376584015902627noreply@blogger.com